It’s their fault

by Andrew Wien

Posted on October 22, 2020

It’s their fault
“It’s their fault.”

​How often do you hold this perspective?

If your answer is, “well, I have this perspective when it really is their fault,” then this post is for you.

Whether it’s true or not, thinking “It’s their fault” is unhelpful for three reasons.

1. It makes us miserable, increasing frustration or annoyance or anger

2. It limits our ability to learn from what happened
3. It limits our ability to help others learn from what happened

Rather than think, “It’s their fault,” try shifting to “we have both contributed.”

Problems and mistakes don’t happen in isolation. They arise because of the way that a number of people have interacted over time. Whether you know it or not, you have contributed to the problem. This other person has too. Instead of assigning blame, map how each person contributed to the outcome.

Then approach this person, explore perspectives, and learn from what happened. You might be surprised to find how much you both learn.

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